Tuesday, November 3, 2009

sort of down


Couldn't sleep last night, or rather fall asleep at 10:00, woke up at midnight and couldn't go back to sleep till around 8:30 AM, I was watching the sunset and reading a book, trying to get my eyes tired enough to close on their own, and for my mind to stop working, it didn't happened until there was light outside, noise and people taking on the hallway and the feeling of actual morning in the air.

I know that how i'm feeling right now is mostly because I'm tired and cranky.

I had a dream last night in which for a strange chair of event, me and Ned just had to have ice cream for every meal for a day, someone bought it for us and it was impolite to refuse, then we were going somewhere and the only food place was an ice cream store and again, we just had to have it, and so forth and so on. It started fun but as the day progressed, in my dream, I felt more and more out of control, more and more fat and anxious about eating all that ice cream, in the dream I was trying to find a way to go back and not eat it, though I knew I couldn't.

I woke up feeling bad about the apple crumble and ice cream from the night before, and feeling bad about obsessing about food.

I've been spending most of the day in front of the computer doing nothing. Trying to finish a million small projects and giving up after 5 minutes, going back to reading the news, reading gossip, playing stupid farmville, checking flickr and getting annoyed about no new comments and no new views, same for blogger, same for Etsy.

I made food, a batch of chilly from sprouted beans, collared greens that were on the verge of going bad, a large put of rice and lentils, now the fridge is full of Tupperwares filled with cooked food we'll probably never eat.

I have to finish this design project, do the blog ruffle, pack some etsy packages, dammit, answer e-mails, which I seem to never do anymore and probably everyone i know think I don't love them anymore. I have a project all finished and ready to be cut, shot and listed on etsy, and I can't seem to have enough energy for the 10 minutes it will take to finish it. I feel like such a slacker.

1 comment:

lostfoundagain said...

That sounds like so much stuff that you need to do. It feels overwhelmingly paralyzing just to read about it! When I have so much to do, I tend to ignore everything and do nothing. Like this past weekend I had a long weekend from Friday thru Tuesday and I had 5 papers that I needed to work on and I only worked on one of them. I feel like I wasted my weekend. In hindsight, I think I should have picked one thing to work on each day. Maybe you can decide just a couple of things to work on for today and try to forget about all of the other things for now. And tomorrow do the same.

One thing I noticed that you did do was post more pictures from the shoot- and theyre beautiful! Thank you so much!

I saw Kevin at the gym last night for the first time in a couple of months. Last night Kevin was in all of my dreams. I hate it. It makes me miss him and feel sad all over again.

I hope today is a better day for you. Hugs:)