One of our first attempts at multiple models shoot today, due to a series of confusions, mess ups, and chance, it turned out to be one of the most frustrating shoots ever.
The fact that we got as many nice photos as we did is only due to Mariko and Chizuko's awesome sense of color and style and Ned's creativity and talent.
While typing this I realized another frustrating thing.
It's really hard and annoying to write about something without giving any information about what actually went on. Ever since my big break up and especially since meeting Ned and moving to NY, I'm really trying hard ot be as open and honest in both public and private communication. It helps that i don't have a job right now or dealing with my family (which is the people that I lie to the most...).
I don't want to burn any bridges or get on bad terns with the people involved in this, so, I have to "write around things" which make me feel pretty bad about myself on top of everything else.
Damn, this interact with so many other family related things that I already told my dad I'm not going to write about. I feel like I'm being shrunk to myself at 12 years old, being anxious about my mom being angry with me.
2 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that the shoot didnt go off as planned. I'm glad that you were able to salvage it and it wasnt a total waste of a day.
It is really frustrating not to be able to express yourself fully, to feel like you have to censor yourself on your own blog. I remember a couple of times that I couldnt write certain things on my blog because I knew that a person I would be writing about would read it. I felt very frustrated to not be able to express myself fully.
I really think it's unfair that your parents even asked you not to write about certain things on your blog. It speaks more to their unwillingness to face their problems then their wish to keep things private. It's not like anyone reading your blog knows them.
It's such a new thing ...this internet persona...to us humans.
I had an extremely personal blog on LJ 4 years ago. It was great for personal vents, and raptures. UNTIL I thought my ex-to-be was reading it. Talk about creepy feeling. I got so freaked I ended that blog and started collage clearinghouse, which was supposed to be about me and my art life. I tried to start another personal blog, but it still is so difficult to bare my soul to the aether, and also so difficult to NOT to do so!
Contradiction rules.i feel yer frustration.
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