An annoying morning

In the past couple of weeks I've been waking up with a mild anxiety every morning, I think I just feel a little aimless since the show in Chicago was done and not quite sure how to get back into a work routine since Christmas vacation.

So this morning, it was topped by an e-mail from a buyer who said he understand from my listing that he's going to get 4 cups while actually getting one. It's sort of sucky since the price was 25$ - which mean s that to him my work is basically 6$ per cup.

I know I shouldn't measure myself as one person who had a misunderstanding see me, I get a lot of nice responds all the time and why should I listen to the one person who doesn't like it or doesn't like it enough to pay 25$ for one cup. I sold a bunch of those and nobody had any problems so far.

Somehow that's bee grating at my nerves all day. Being misunderstood is a big fear of mine.

Even buying 2 books didn't help alleviate the crappy feeling, which is sort of disappointing, since I very rarely do the retail therapy thing...

On Crafts and Art

It's strange but I just realized something, I can tell how focused I am on myself and my feelings by how much painting and drawing I do, when I don't draw or draw very little it usually means that I'm disconnected from myself to a certain extent. It also means that I'll be using my hands to craft more then to make paintings and art. Also, it means that I'm probably a little less obsessed, anxious and feeling more or less normal.

In the past week or so, I was drawing constantly, which I was very happy about, but I was also feeling pretty crappy, which I wasn't so happy about. I'm not sure why, but I felt very lost and also like everything I was doing was wrong and I was messing up constantly, or slacking or whatever. It all sort of lead to one of those horrible nights last night - I couldn't sleep at all, I cried, tried to take care of things, failed and tried again. I did some drawings and cried and got really scared and anxious.



Today, trying to get over the lack of sleep and getting myself a little more balanced again, I kept my hands busy and my mind blank by doing some embroidery and sewing and made a few art kits. It was a nice way to pass a day in which touching anything inside myself was too raw and sensitive.

I guess that's why I value art more then I value crafts, cause making drawings and painting forces me to look inside myself and be honest about my own feelings, while in crafting it's just about making something cute or nice looking.

Also, I'm a little frightened about having to feel stressed and anxious in order to make the drawings I want to make.