Saturday, May 24, 2008
Worry was the word of the week on Illustration Friday. Sometime it's really hard to find what I want to do for it, and some time it's super easy. This was one of the super easy ones, cause earlier this week I took a picture that I titled "Worry".
The photo was a self portrait I took after Ned got an e-mail that he got in to Grafuck book this year, we both send 3 images, he got one in and I didn't get any request for high resolution files which means I got rejected. I was so happy and proud for Ned but so sad and feeling like a failure for myself. Also him getting in meant that I couldn't write this off as one of those "those editors don't even know anything about art or anything" because they did show very good judgment by picking Ned's piece. So basically, however I could twisted it in my mind, the only conclusion was that I'm just not good enough.
The other day, while being in the train, I thought about a painting i made that day. I listed it on Etsy for 45$, and another one from the same day for 20$. I thought about a friend of mine that
had an art show in a gallery a few months back and now have one of her pieces in some auction site for 1,200$. And how it sort of suck and I feel about 30 times less of an artist then her. Then I thought that if I have to choose between selling 30 paintings to make 1,200$ or only one, I rather sell 30, cause it gives me the chance to make 30 paintings and though this is a pretty small comfort, it's still a comfort.
I'm really worried, not so much about the value of my art but about my own courage and abillity to step out of my comfort zone and becoming the artist I want to be.