Monday, May 26, 2008
On Crafts and Art
It's strange but I just realized something, I can tell how focused I am on myself and my feelings by how much painting and drawing I do, when I don't draw or draw very little it usually means that I'm disconnected from myself to a certain extent. It also means that I'll be using my hands to craft more then to make paintings and art. Also, it means that I'm probably a little less obsessed, anxious and feeling more or less normal.
In the past week or so, I was drawing constantly, which I was very happy about, but I was also feeling pretty crappy, which I wasn't so happy about. I'm not sure why, but I felt very lost and also like everything I was doing was wrong and I was messing up constantly, or slacking or whatever. It all sort of lead to one of those horrible nights last night - I couldn't sleep at all, I cried, tried to take care of things, failed and tried again. I did some drawings and cried and got really scared and anxious.
Today, trying to get over the lack of sleep and getting myself a little more balanced again, I kept my hands busy and my mind blank by doing some embroidery and sewing and made a few art kits. It was a nice way to pass a day in which touching anything inside myself was too raw and sensitive.
I guess that's why I value art more then I value crafts, cause making drawings and painting forces me to look inside myself and be honest about my own feelings, while in crafting it's just about making something cute or nice looking.
Also, I'm a little frightened about having to feel stressed and anxious in order to make the drawings I want to make.