State Collage PA

We drove to state collage today, returning merchandise Ned's mom took for a trunk show in New York. Ned's father is on a 3rd day of chemo and they couldn't take it back themselves as they usually do.

Ned hates coming here, he's got a lot of bad memories about this place and feel bad about not calling his grandfather or uncle and meeting family while we are here. I love coming here, it's so different then our everyday life, I like staying at this strange motel and watching the view as we drive. A short 2 days trip always makes me feel like I was away from home for years and I come back with many cool ideas and new appreciation for my life in Brooklyn.

We got here at about 5:00. Dropped of the many bags of clothes and went to pack our bag in the hotel. The building was surrounded with policeman and firetrucks, there was a fire in the laundry room and they were putting it out, a couple of photographers were also on the scene taking pictures.

Me and Ned walked around for a bit, then had dinner and ice cream and walked around in some odd outlet store, which Ned remembered by a different name.
We came back to the hotel, Ned took a bath, I read him his e-mails and took pictures. Then he fell asleep.

I have my computer and my MP3 player, and a book and a sketchbook, basically almost everything I have at home to do and entertain myself, but still being in this strange room, without my stuff and without Ned makes me feel very lonely. And very much wanting a drink...

Fuck flickr!

Why? because I miss it so much and because this situation suck and because I feel like all the joy was sucked out of my life without the ability to share my feelings and experiences with others.

This was such an amazing week, we had a lot of successes and also, a lot of fun. A great many wonderful things are happening, among them, the opening party to my exhibition in Chicago, and Ned getting his first big commercial project in a couple of years. We were in meetings and errands about that all day yesterday and will be shooting on Thursday, A lot of it is still secretive, but it does involve a TV show and male nudity...

It feel like my life was hijacked by a much cooler and successful person then I am, sadly, that person seem to not have a flickr account and so somehow I feel like without being able to share, the experience doesn't really exist.

It's very humbling and even disturbing to come to term with the level of my flickr habit and how much I'm dependent on it ot both communicate with people and not feel so alone in the world.

Ned posted my e-mail to flickr help and the whole communication in this thread, the responses went from banning Ned from some biker group, to practical advices, people being sad for me and some telling off. It's both encouraging and depressing, I feel resentful toward all of them just cause they still have their flickr accounts and I don't.

I realized how me and probably everyone I know are so used to expecting fairness and justice in any type of interactions we are involved in, may it by in the election process or in not being pushed on the line to buy grocery in the store. How we expect, without ever questioning it, of privet companies to play fair though no where in flickr term of service they promise to do this, in fact, they pretty bluntly say that they reserve the right to delete any accounts whenever they choose to without a reason or explanation.

Somehow that makes me appreciate democracy a lot more. The realization that fairness is totally taken for granted in my life and the lives of people around me - to a point of not being able to even conceive the notion of organized unfairness.

The hardest thing in all this is the isolation, the second hardest thing is knowing, pretty much without a doubt, that in a couple of days I am going to just give up on my anger and nasty feelings about flickr and just start a new account, because there's really no other alternative.