Tired

Packed the etsy package for sending tomorrow.
Finished a design for an ad and send it to the client.
Packed a gift for my sister, my other sister and a friend.
Found my medical insurance card.
Made a list of phones numbers of people I know in Israel.
Did the laundry and washed my backpack.
Cleared my desk.
Re packed my backpack.
Talked to the bank about my credit card.
Finish making Christmas card for my store.

Still a lot to do tomorrow, but suddenly, the knowledge that we are leaving for Israel dropped on my head like a brick. I'm excited, and nervous. It feels like the beginning of something and the end of something else. I really hope Ned's not going to have a really hard time over there, having to share my attention with a lot of other people. I really hope that staying at my sister would not drive him crazy. That he will not suddenly learn things about me he doesn't like. I keep imagining us having fights in the street and feeling lost out of our element, away from our home.

I don't know why this trip feels so much like a"make it or break it" point in my life. I wish I didn't.

Another phone entry

So Ned went to the gym today, and I went to draw at blackbird. We were supposed to go into the city and to long island city and run some errands, but we were both such a nervous wreck in the morning, I decided that we'll take care of ourselves today and take care of life tomorrow.

I took the phone with me, first time I'm adding this connection to the world to my "me" time.

The result - took care of 2 work e-mail on spot, which was great, but finished only 1 drawing. And not feeling the disconnection and calmness I usually feel while drawing. Though this is more because of the stress I feel in life now rather then the phone, I think.

I hate getting used to new things. And changing the definition of myself.
Also, I don't like the no spelling check on this, I feel sort of vulnerable to being thought of as stupid.

Update: Back at home, at my own beautiful computer, suddenly a full size keyboard feels like a luxurious king size bed after months of sea voyage in one of those bench folding beds. I got back into this post to add the photo that I took while writing this entry (is there a way to do this on the phone and I just couldn't find it yet?! I'm not sure) and, to spell check.

It's strange, I used to not care about spelling as much (or at all really) but now I do. For some reason it makes me feel bad that I do, as if I complied with some odd social acceptancey or strange manners I could formerly ignore.

winner!

Tangopottery is the winner of my blog giveaway raffle!

New books

Someone in moleskin should totally start paying Andrea who organizes moleskin exchange a cut...

I just finished my old moleskin (8x5 watercolor) last week, but I found myself getting a lot more excited about the drawings I did in the group books, so I decided to see if size does matter and give a different size a chance, so - one 8x5, probably I'll take that one on my trip to Israel. An A4 for me and an A4 for Ned, he might or might not use it, so maybe I have two of those for me. And the very frightening looking A3, I hope I'll be brave enough to even open that one, by far way bigger then my comfort zone book, but I think it'll be a cool thing to try.

a second try

for blogging from my new phone.

Ned and i looks like me and my sister did in that long boring summer at my grandparents with only a couple of those old old nintendo games for entertainment. up until this day i'm pretty sure she has the highert score in the world for Snoopy tennis.

phone

So today Ned and I got new phones. I don't really like phones (that's an understatement...) actually I loath them, mostly beacaalking on the phone makes me really anxious, the thing is that aside of a few work calls a month, Ned does all of our interactions. So I got a new phone now, with texts and emails and facebook. I really hope it' make me connect more with the world.

sort of down

Couldn't sleep last night, or rather fall asleep at 10:00, woke up at midnight and couldn't go back to sleep till around 8:30 AM, I was watching the sunset and reading a book, trying to get my eyes tired enough to close on their own, and for my mind to stop working, it didn't happened until there was light outside, noise and people taking on the hallway and the feeling of actual morning in the air.

I know that how i'm feeling right now is mostly because I'm tired and cranky.

I had a dream last night in which for a strange chair of event, me and Ned just had to have ice cream for every meal for a day, someone bought it for us and it was impolite to refuse, then we were going somewhere and the only food place was an ice cream store and again, we just had to have it, and so forth and so on. It started fun but as the day progressed, in my dream, I felt more and more out of control, more and more fat and anxious about eating all that ice cream, in the dream I was trying to find a way to go back and not eat it, though I knew I couldn't.

I woke up feeling bad about the apple crumble and ice cream from the night before, and feeling bad about obsessing about food.

I've been spending most of the day in front of the computer doing nothing. Trying to finish a million small projects and giving up after 5 minutes, going back to reading the news, reading gossip, playing stupid farmville, checking flickr and getting annoyed about no new comments and no new views, same for blogger, same for Etsy.

I made food, a batch of chilly from sprouted beans, collared greens that were on the verge of going bad, a large put of rice and lentils, now the fridge is full of Tupperwares filled with cooked food we'll probably never eat.

I have to finish this design project, do the blog ruffle, pack some etsy packages, dammit, answer e-mails, which I seem to never do anymore and probably everyone i know think I don't love them anymore. I have a project all finished and ready to be cut, shot and listed on etsy, and I can't seem to have enough energy for the 10 minutes it will take to finish it. I feel like such a slacker.