Snow Storm

I don't think I've ever seen so much snow, it was beautiful (though very cold) around here in the past couple of days.

Last Night Ned and I went out at about 3:00 AM to get some snacks and take some pictures, the streets were all full of clear white snow, untreated and so soft it felt like walking on icing sugar. The walk to the corner store felt pretty nice on the way there, with the wind to our back and horribly cold on the way back, I've trie taking as many photos as possible before my fingers started freezing!



Today, Ned and I went into the city, which looks very different while it snows then Brooklyn. The snow is being cleared from the roads and sidewalks so efficiently it feels like it's barely there. I walked around union square and the park, and it was beautiful. Though no birds or squirrels in sight, at the end I've found a couple of the birds huddled together on the construction area, I think the warmth from the cars was more appealing then the bare trees.




It's been a slow sad day, tomorrow we are going to see Ned's father in the hospital. He got a room today and starting treatment tomorrow. even though some good stuff happened - I was on Etsy's front page, and then sold a creamer and sugar bowl set, and I think I won the apartment therapy competition (winner hadn't been announced yet, but I got more votes then anyone else in my category), it all feels insagnificat and unimportant compare to all the sadness.

Sadness

A couple of days ago, Ned answered the phone, it was his father, telling him that he just got back from another scan and that the cancer is back. Since the doctor basically tried everything else by now, the next stage in treatment is stem cell transplant, which seem to be this holy grail of cancer treatment.

Unlike the past couple of times, I wasn't shocked by the news, I guess by now I already know that cancer is more of a chronic condition then a dramatic one treatment and it's gone sort of a thing.

Ned and I were sitting in blackbird parlor even though we were already late for a meeting in the city, to eat something and relax from the shock. My brain was felt like it's got this big rock in the middle of it that it's trying to ignore, my mind kept slipping to other aspect of the situation, like who's going to take care of the dog while Ned's dad is in the hospital and how this is actually a good thing and all sort of other angles of this.

I'm still doing it, my mind doesn't want to think of certain words now. Sad words like "death", "cancer", "mortality rate", "quality of life" and so on. I keep referring to the cancer as "that" or "it". I want to cry but can't bring myself to, because that would be admitting that this thing (see?!) is going to happened. My head hurts from thinking in circle around this big rock.

It just seem so unfair that a person who had the kindness to welcome me into his family in such a wonderful way wouldn't win all the karma points that will allow him to live in perfect health forever and ever.

As usual he's being super positive and amazing about confronting this scary situation, as usual it's hard on all of us to not be able to hear any emotional reaction from him about having cancer or having to go through scary treatments.

I wish that he'll get a call from the doctor tomorrow telling him it was someone else's test result and he's just fine, I know it won't happened.

Me and Ned just wonder around the apartment, between the bed and the couch and the computer. I'm trying to get some work done, I start things but don't finish them, I'm tired and restless. I feel so helpless.

Fact and Fancy print show

On Friday, me, Ned, our friend Mike who was staying without this week, Chava, Persiana and Andrew and their friend Lindsey, and Ned's parents all went to the fact and fancy gallery on Hoyt street to see some my vases and a special series of prints I've made for the show. It was so much fun! I love that place and it was wonderful to go there with a large group of really supportive people.

Even though the gallery is so small, my group filled almost the whole space, it's so overwhelming to see this amount of cool art!

It's the second time I'm in the fact and fancy and both time I wanted to buy something to support the store. Each time I went from wanting one thing, to wanted everything to being to overwhelmed and wanting nothing. This is what I really wanted to get and next time, I might:

This amazing flowers and minerals print:

This awesome fox:
One of those beautiful bears:


And then we all went out for dinner

This is my first attempt using google's picasa web album. I really hate living without flickr. A lot of nice people encourage me to write to people in Yahoo and flickr and try to solve this account being deleted thing. Though Flickr let me know that the information is gone.

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do. I just want everything back to what it was. The idea of opening a new flickr account and having to pay for the service again makes me grind my teeth, though I really don't like the google thing and find myself feeling very sad and isolated without my flickr contents and constant communication.

This situation really sucks.