Scanning some old drawings

The moleskin exchange really made me want to do more drawing in my own moleskin. I've been working on a series of drawings of the different animals and people of the zodiac signs for the past few weeks, which I finished today, I wanted to scan them tonight ,but there's just not enough time for all of them, So instead I scanned some older pieces from the moleskin, and tomorrow, I hope to scan the rest.

2 more pages in this book, which I hope to finish before my big moleskin order arrive from Amazon. I got carried away and ordered 3 book (plus one for Ned, but there's a good chance he won't use it and it'll be mine also...)

Finally some work done

Finished a design that I really like for Ned's mom trunk show, I hope she'll like it to, it might be a little too Christmasy for the event - I do like it though! This is a detail from the back of the postcard.

Tiny paintings

Cause I didn't feel like working on Ned's mom trunkshow postcard, or to write e-mails, or to work on Case's website, or on the two design projects I'm supposed to finish, or to finish a submission for a photography competition, or to make stuff for Christmas for the store.

It's 1:17 AM and I really should get to work...

Anchor song

I've been wanted to make something for A5 magazine ever since they published their new topic for open call. It was remix - an artistic response to a song. The thing is there are so many amazings songs in the world and everytime I had some idea I had to reject it right away feeling like I'm neglecting the one perfect song that I should choose.

I almost gave up on the whole thing, actually I did give up on it already.

Then, on the weekend as I was working on Ashes' book for moleskin exchange, I found myself illustrating a song by Bjork, called anchor song. It's not the most important song in the world, nor is it my favorite, but I do love it and it makes me think of myself at age 20, when I started art school, lived with a friend in a 5th floor apartment with no elevator and listened to this album over and over again. I can't believe that was 14 years ago...

And so I made another version for the illustration in ashes' book today, and send it to the magazine in the nick of time.

I live by the ocean
And during the night
I dive into it
Down to the bottom
Underneath all currents
And drop my anchor
This is where I´m staying
This is my home

Work in process

All I've been doing in the past couple of days is working on the moleskin exchange sketchbook, and then Tanya's creative mind journal project. I probably should be doing other stuff - working on my etsy store, finishing some orders, working on a couple of freelance design projects, and probably, more then anything else, answer e-mails, Which I haven't done in a really long time.

I've also really neglected the attempt to find a place to stay in Israel, I know Ned's frustrated with me about that, and I am to, but I just don't feel like talking or communicating at all lately, and all I want ot do is draw and paint all the time and do nothing else.

One of the coolest thing about working on the sketchbooks projects is that it got me to try new things, mostly working on 2 pages in one go, and making 2 drawings related to one another and not just stand on their own.

Sad

I didn't want to talk to you, I didn't even want to be with you, I just wanted you to know that you hurt my feelings and that I'm sad.

Then you fall asleep on the couch, and left me feeling like I'm an actress on a stage in an empty theater.

Sometimes, it sucks when the person you love most is also your best friend, because there's no one to turn to once you have a fight.

A story and a giveaway

I had so much stuff to do today! between a website I'm designing, a huge project Ned volunteered us to do and needs to be finished in a week, another website for a friend's band, packing some Etsy packages, making stuff for the shop, and a Special order for Ned's Mom and wanting to draw at least a couple of drawings today - the day seemed too short from when it was starting.

I decided to start with Ned's mom order, it the most fun project out of the bunch, and I could do it at a coffee shop and just tuned out from all the stress for a bit, before I dive in. A friend of her's just became a grandmother, and Ned's mom wanted a painting made specially for the new granddaughter.

The granddaughter have 5 different names, one of them is Rose, and one of them is Yael, which in Hebrew means a Capra, an animal sort of like a dear, so I decided to draw a Capra and some roses and write all the names on the drawings. Ned went home to do some phone calls, and I went to Blackbird Paurlor to work on the new painting.

It took about an hour and a half, then I put it aside on the chair next to mine, and started working on a second drawing for the day, feeling really great, that at least on of my tasks for the day is already done.

2 minutes later, a woman who got up from the table close to where I was sitting knocked a whole full bottle of water on the painting! the watercolor and pen all swirled together making a puddle of gray water that was dripping on the floor. The woman apologized a million times, and asked if I was going to sell the painting, offering to pay for it, but I felt like I just wanted her to get out of there. I blotched the painting with some paper and left it to dry till Ned got there. Still hoping to fix it, but after it was dry it was obvious that it just won't do.

The part that got destroyed the most was the names, they got totally smeared and became half not legible.

I tried to paint over it later at home, while working on a second painting for the granddaughter.


And so, I decided to give the blotch version, that i rather like now as a free givaway and a reminder to all of us that sometimes, we mess up and that's just how life goes.

For a chance to win this painting, leave a comment to this post and tell me about the last time you messed up, so I don't feel like I'm the only klutz in town...

I will raffle the winner on November 1st.

I started to work on a website for a cool client a while ago, and really had to finish the homepage today. It's funny how HTML goes for me, I really hate making websites, until I'm into the project and then I love it.

And so, in order to not work on the website, I went to Pearl River today to get some more plates, went to draw for a bit in a coffee shop, and then made 8 different tapas plates, 4 with birds, and 4 with Koi fish.

Then it was really time to work, so I tackled the website and in about 5 hours of super concentration, the homepage was finally done.

Then I made some pasta, granola for Ned and took photos of the new plates.

I like those super productive days, but no matter how much I manage to finish, I still feel like I haven't done enough.

603

603, originally uploaded by Aya Rosen.

Yay! I just crossed my sale target for the year with 2 and a half months left!

I want to celebrate with a big slice of cake, but I'm off sugar, so I guess I'll have to celebrate with Brussels sprout instead!

Zodiac

Still working to master the new watercolors, the shades are a lot more vibrant, it's very strange to have so much color in my new drawings.

I'm an Artist now!

No, really, and i have the ultimate proof for it, I own an artist grade watercolors.

OK, I'm laughing at myself a bit here, but only partly, partly I am serious.



This whole thing started a couple of months ago, when I started using Crimson instead of Rose madder to make purple because the Rose was running low. There was sitll some paint left and honestly, I could go on using this Winsor & Newton set for a while, but the notion that the rose will end one day (and the 2 blacks and the aquamarine, which were all running low) made me really nervous.

I've had this set since 2002 I think, I bought it after my previous set, A van-gogh I think, was lost after my backpack was stolen. I've been carrying it around with me most of the time since then. It visited 4-5 different countries and 3 continents. I've used it so much and still, there's enough paint in most of the pans to keep going. Usually, I don't buy anything new as far as supply is gone until the old stuff is all used, broken or lost.

And yet, a visit to an art store last week, trying to replace just the Rose and blacks, got me thinking about tools and different needs and commitments we make by investing in good quality supply. I went home tried ot do some reading and were missing a lot of info, strangely enough though the internet is full of info, there's still no real serious art supply review site!

Today, I went to a different store and got a really wonderful explanation and attention from one of the best art sellers in NYC. He made a really big effort in trying to describe the different in texture between different paint manufacturers (on pans, apparently not so much, aside of one manufacturer that uses honey mixed with a gum Arabic) and nature of the color, which is a really difficult thing to describe. I ended up buying a different brand then I intended to, Schmincke Horadam, and not the Artist Grade Winsor & Newton.

It was very odd to open the new set and then opening the wrapping on each pen, they look and feel just like candy or chocolate, and for a moment I though that maybe I should open just one color each day, just like I always swore to do at a kid when I got a new bag of candies (and always failed), there are 24 colors so that would be a month before i could actually use them so I gave up on the idea.

The other really strange thing is how, because they are so new and clean, my old batter set looks so much more impressive and professional then a brand new one.

I still feel really strange and mortified at the notion of spending a little over 200$ on paints. It's odd, I bought a 800$ camera last year and Ned and I just bought an extra light that was lamost 3,000$. But somehow, the idea of buying new paints because I'm a pro artist and should have pro artist equipment is really scary.

Now I just have to master the courage to actually use them.

What's going on?!

Not quite sure what's going on today.

A lot of really great things happened in the past couple of days, this morning, we got an answer from Law & order about another shoot we are going to do for them. A couple of days ago I heard back from TONY about a submission I did for them through etsy. I might just got a new graphic client, and I have 2 other big graphic projects to work on. An etsy order to finish and a couple of other things I wanted to do, as well as start making Christmas related stuff for the store.

I don't know if I just got used to things going good with life, and sort of slow with work, and now that things are going good with work I feel some strange destructive need to feel disatisfied with life, but that's how I feel today.

With all the awesomeness of the good news, I feel like shit.

I'm pissed with Ned for no good reason, I'm angry about not accomplishing or finishing anything today, I don't feel like doing anything, and just want to feel sorry for myself.

Clastrophobic

The train we were on got stuck today on the way to the city. It wasn't for too long, only a few minutes of standing, in a dark tunnel under the east river, waiting for a train ahead to move or something. After that it went on slower, until we were off the train.

I could feel myself not being able to breath, I know the air in the train would last a while, I know that really, the people stuck on the train aren't all going to suffocate and die, I know the train is just about to move, in a minute or two, but I just couldn't breath, I was sweating like crazy. Ned kept telling me that i'm allright and that we'll move in just a sec, and that I'm not alone. But non of it helped.

It's the book I'm reading now, in which a soldier get buried alive, it's Beau's funeral, viewing his body and knowing he can't breath, seeing the glistening glue the funeral home pasted his lips with, it's Gilad Shalit, in a smiling frame from that video tape from last week in the news sites, the tape I wouldn't watch cause the photo was bad enough. It's Ned's dad having to do more radiation because the tumor is not as dormant as the oncologist hoped. It's a phone call from my father telling me my sister's boyfriend is in the hospital.

Walking back home, from the city, still shaken, I'm looking at my owl tattoos, we got those in February, knowing that this year is going to be dark and difficult, and wanting a protective presence in our life. I'm thinking "the year of death is almost over" and I'm counting the months and trying to anticipate if by my langauge of symobls, it should end after a year from getting the tattoo, by new years or by Halloween.

Small and big reasons for pride

last July, when we were finally switching the winter cloths for the summer ones, I went over all my cloths and got rid of everything I no longer wear.

There were a pair of pants, a jeans, that I got after my first break up with Amichai, that month, being so sad an anxious, I barely eat and lost so much weight non of my pants fitted me anymore. I bought 3 pair of pants one evening after work at the mall, they were all size 26. After the second break up I lost more weight and those pants who were very tight to start became loose to the point I needed a belt for them.

After moving to NY, I could still wear them, I think I actually still needed a belt, but as time went by and I got used to feeling less anxious and being happy and as I got used to Ned's way of eating, at first I didn't need the belt, then I couldn't fit in. They were left handing on the wall as a reminder of times when I was less fat. I really hated not fitting into them, but couldn't let go for about a year and a half - there was always some hope I'll fit in someday.

So that day in July, together with one pair of jeans with holes in them and another pair that I never liked, I sadly packed those jeans in a bag and dropped them at the salvation army store.

Fast forward to about a months ago, I found myself in Forever 21 and knowing it won't fit I bought a pair of jeans that was again, size 26. I don't know why. I felt really silly about it, I already have 2 pairs of jeans from the past couple of month and I don't need another one. I guess it was just too hard to accept the fact that I will not fit in a size 26 anymore.

Around the same time I made another attempt at the old project of starting to eat healthier \ less. Somehow this time, unlike a whole bunch of other attempts, it worked. I didn't give up on it after 3 days of starving myself, I didn't make a million rules and got anxious when I couldn't live through. I did find myself thinking more about food, but not entirely freaking out when I'm either hungry or when I eat too much.

in the beginning of the week I tried those pair of size 26 jeans and they fit! they are tight, I think they arr supposed to be tight bot not as tight as that, but still I could wear them, and breath at the same time.

Being proud of myself for being able to fit a size 26 jeans feels like a very silly and small reason to be proud of myself. But knowing that it's the first time in my life I actually managed to loose weight in a healthy way that just had to do with eating differently and not because I was depressed or something horrible happened in my life, feels like a pretty big reason to be proud of myself.