Tuesday, June 30, 2009

a dream


I dreamed about renting an apartment in Tel Aviv and buying a one way ticket, when I got to Israel, I realized that me and Ned never rented out our space or made any arrangements or a decision to move to Israel or anything, we were just there.

We walked around looking for the street we were supposed to live in, It was in my parents old neighborhood, we met my mom while riding children tricycles, she was gardening in a community park. She was ill and lost a lot of weight, which made her look younger and thinner then me.

She was happy to see me, but never said she was sorry for not talking to me for all this time. then she tired to convinced us to not rent that apartment after all and come stay with them at their house. We hugged for a really long time.

After that there was a different part of the dream about having sex in a subway stop while waiting for the train.


lostfoundagain said...

It's so amazing how dreams can really tell a lot about our anxieties and preoccupations in real life.

I've had some pretty intense dreams this past month. I don't like having them but they are usually very illuminating.

Modra said...

I agree, even when they are most bizarre you can easily see/read in the morning all the problems you thought were hidden and forgotten.

Aya, I'm sorry and sad for not having your mother as part of your life. And somehow (especially whenever you're devastated because of her) I hope that she reads your blog, see your passionate work or that someone tells her about you. And that she maybe have some voyeuristic love towards you.

Aya Rosen said...

Strangely enough the dream of my mom being younger then me keep repeating since I was a kid...

Modra - what got her to stop taking to me in the first place is discovering my old blog and flickr account. That's what so sad for me about it, that seeing the inner me and reading about my thoughts and feelings is what got her to not want to have me in her life.

Modra said...

That is really really sad and unbelievable. I am pretty sure that she had to know you well without you letting her (and all of us) come closer, and I am pretty sure that you are not totally opposite person in real life.

So, what I want to say is that in both cases, from reading about you, she had to gain more. Your sensible and clever writing is just another beautiful layer which you choose to share unselfishly with all of us. I am reading you for few years and I adore you. And for me is impossible that someone who was there to watch you grow and becoming today's beautiful person can be in any way suddenly surprised by your character or - ! - disappointed?

As for seeing her younger, that probably means that you realized a long time ago that you were superior thinker and decision maker.