Bondage

A couple of days ago I got a really nice e-mail from a buyer who asked me if I still do bondage paintings, I thought about it and realized that I used to do a lot of those at the end of my last relationship, when I was very sexually frustrated and felt trapped in a life that just didn't seem right for me.

It's strange to think about how, at that time, the fantasy of bondage actually symbolized freedom for me. Accepting the fact that I can wants things that are not necessarily everybody's cup of tea, also, when bound, the burden of responsibility is almost magically removed - I can no longer do or act, I'm not expected to do anything aside of just be there, in my body, and though being kept in one position can sometime be physically difficult or painful, my mind just seem to calm down and float is this serene state.

I decided to try and make a few new bondage drawing, I made 4 small ones in a series.

The same day I made those drawings I had a dream about my ex, in my dream, I was single and back in Israel, I met him to talk about getting back together, but I didn't really want to get back together. He was really cynical and criticized me all the time. I said "If you are going to say one more nasty thing, I'm going to just leave" we went on talking, he accused me in cheating on him, and I said "No, I didn't" and I said "Do you realized that in the last year of our relationship we only had sex 3 times" I was angry and he said "Well, maybe that's for the best" As if me wanting more then that was somehow unhealthy or out of the ordinary and by avoiding sex and learning to control my urges I'm becoming a better person.

I turned back and started going out of the room. He asked me where I was going and I said "I told you that if you say one more nasty thing I'm going to leave" and even though he was calling me, I just walked away.


We don't live an SM life and bondage is a very small part from our sexual life, but just knowing I have a partner who I can express this side of myself with every now and then is really important to me.