Hero

I love A5 magazine, I've been intending to submit artwork for it since it's very first issue, but somehow the whole experience was so daunting and intimidating that I never did, well, never till 2 issues ago when I submitted 3 pen and watercolor paintings and one of them was accepted and published! The topic was sex and so I needed very little adaptations or thought to make just what I wanted.

It was really a wonderful experience, I mean, any publication is awesome, but one in a magazine you are already a big fan of is at least double as wonderful!

Not only that, but the pieces I made for the magazine inspired me to draw more artwork in the same series and eventually, became the body of work to my solo show in Chicago.

So then, the next topic was published, it was "Childhood" and though I had every intention in the world to submit again, I never got around to it, I had a lot of ideas, but eventually, I think mostly out of fear of rejection, I never did. After the deadline was over, I felt like such a pussy - I totally let myself miss on a good opportunity not only to get published, but also, to be inspired and to make something cool.



I decided that whatever happens, I'm going to submit for the next issue, but then, when the topic came up, I was sort of disappointing, the topic was "Hero" which was very hard for me to relate to.

I don't believe in hero, a couple of years ago, I was in someone's birthday, and some guy who was doing inspirational lecture for a living, asked us, to prove some point or another, who are our heroes, I said that my grandparents were, but actually it wasn't true. I don't think there are or were any heroes in my life. I don't believe in salvation or being saved. I think that though I were in life threatening situations in my life, the largest difficulties I've experiences, were just dealing with everyday life.

It's been a couple of difficult weeks around here. Ned's in a bad mood, he's trying to crack some big emotional riddle and spend a lot of time doing nothing, it's hard to see him be so hard on himself and so sad and heavy for so many hours everyday. I'm working on some freelance design projects after not doing it for a while, I'm actually making some money which is nice, but dealing with client, putting boundaries and asking to be paid is really hard, and I think that also the tension between me being so work busy while Ned being in this non-busy state adds a lot of tension.

I decided to do the Hero project about me and how I had to deal with a lot of confrontational situations lately and tried not to hide and wait till it goes away but actually stand up for myself.



A note: With being busy with work and sort of down for different reason I've neglected my Yay Money series of article, I hope to go back to it soon.