Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I wish I was brave

We were having breakfast at EGG this morning, having coffee and eating on a shared 4 people table. There were 2 women eating and talking next to us, one very younge and slander that did most of the talking and had a Europian accent I couldn't place. The other, older, was writing things on a piece of paper.

Ned and I were talking about all the things we need to take care of this week. Making prints for the Pool art fair this weekend, shopping for dishes for a class I'm teaching next week, editing photos from Fashion week, setting up a beauty shoot.

All this time I was listening to the women conversation. The young one was a model, in town for fashion week, and the older was a booker or an agent.

It almost sounded like one conversation, we were talking about finding a model, they were taking about finding jobs for a model. I really wanted to just say "hay, lets put two and two together" to intreduce myself, pass some business card and maybe, shoot that girl next week.

But I didn't, the words just couldn't come out. I felt so ugly and unimportant and worthless. Damn. I wish I did talk. I feel like in one of those dreams in which I want to scream and nothing comes out.


lostfoundagain said...

I had an experience like this last week too. I went to a documentary screening at the MOMA on a topic that I'm writing a paper on for school. After the screening, the director talked and one of the people who was in the documentary also took questions from the audience. I had questions but I couldnt find my voice to ask them. Then afterward, I wanted to go up to the director and to the woman in the movie and ask for their contact info so I can email them some questions that will help me with my paper. But I didnt. It felt too difficult and scary to do. I just walked out of the theatre instead :(

Anonymous said...